


Confetti

by NeverQuiteLogistical



Category: The Haunting of Hill House (TV 2018)
Genre: The Rest Is Confetti, Time Jumping, non-linear timeline, spoilers for episode 1 to 10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:02:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28527420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeverQuiteLogistical/pseuds/NeverQuiteLogistical
Summary: After her death, Nellie drifted between past and present, sometimes trapped in moments that are beautiful, some horrifying. Happens from the moment when Nellie dies until the Red Room scene in the final episode.
Relationships: Shirley Crain & Theodora "Theo" Crain, Shirley Crain/Kevin Harris, Theodora "Theo" Crain/Trish Park
Kudos: 22





	Confetti

For Nell, the torture felt like forever. She was falling and falling and falling endlessly, each time tugged by the noose accompanied by a sickening loud _crunch_ of her snapped neck, only to be met with a sight more horrifying – herself, terrified and traumatised by the apparition that haunted her since Hill House.

She remembered screaming. Screaming until her voice went hoarse. Nell kept falling, nevertheless, a never-ending loop beginning from the moment she died, back until the first time she saw the Bent Neck Lady. Then it started all over again, and again, and again. For how long, she could not tell. How many times, she had lost count.

But she remembered screaming for her twin, Luke. Crying out for Shirley who did not pick up her call. Begging for Steve to just listen to her for once. Sobbing and uttering _iamsorryiamsorryiamsorry_ for Theo who left and never spoke to her ever since.

In the end she cried out for her mother who wanted nothing more than to protect her children ( _even if it kills them_ ), her father whom she lied to moments before she died. But no one could help her.

Eventually ( _how long has it been?_ ) Nell stopped screaming. She gave in, accepting her ghastly death. She accepted that she was the Bent Neck Lady, accepted that she could never leave Hill House. And with the acceptance, the loop stopped abruptly.

And Nell Crain found herself standing in the dark, but she was no longer falling. She felt the firm ground underneath her feet, and she knew if she were to reach out a hand, she would feel a great emptiness spreading before her. But Nell dared not move, lest the grip of the house reach out and pull her back into the hell again.

Before she could understand what was happening, the light came on, and she found herself in an apartment she had never been to. The apartment was spacious, too much empty spaces and too few furniture for someone who intended to stay there for long. The colours were dull and sombre, uncomfortable to the eyes, and Nell thought what sort of torment Hill House had prepared for her this time, until she heard a soft, startled gasp that prompted her to turn –

Steve stood there, his eyes wide in surprise. Nell felt a flutter of joy in her heart, only to deaden when her brother’s face morphed from shock to anger.

“Thanks, I needed a good scare,” Steve scoffed, turned away and placed his equipment on the floor before ranting about how she watched Luke broke into his apartment. But whatever Steve was saying next it sounded like a static, white noise to Nell. All she could see was the irritation on Steve’s face, and she wondered if she was bothering him somehow ( _all my life, I wonder if my plea for help was a burden to you all_ ). She opened her mouth, trying to say something, but no words could come. She was mute and deaf, only able to see her big brother’s fury.

Frowning, Nell tried again. No matter how hard she tried, no sound would come forth. Not even a croak. Feeling her frustration grow, she tried even harder to push any sort of voice from her throat. And unbeknownst to her she suddenly appeared before her brother, face-to-face, and finally Nell could speak.

But what came out of her mouth was a long, ghostly moan, followed by a guttural shriek. She could feel the House’s pull again, and Nell howled even louder, watched her reflection in her brother’s eyes as her complexion decayed and her eyes turned white.

And she fell, again. Except this time she was haunted by the horror on Steve’s face.

* * *

The second time the loop stopped again, Nell felt a chill that bit deep into her skin. With the cold settled deep in her bones, she opened her eyes, only to see her eldest sister in her mortician’s attire, her face glum and grief-stricken as her hands weaved a needle back and forth with skill, sealing a corpse’s scalp shut.

Upon closer inspection, Nell saw her own body on the silver table. Her skin was mottled with dark purple patches, her lips almost black as a leech. She could see a bucket underneath the table, and there was no doubt what was in the bag. Under normal circumstances Nell would have been creeped out by the silent, morbid atmosphere, but now Nell had shaken hands with death, trapped in a purgatory that she knew she could never escape. Shirley’s morgue was nothing compared to what she faced.

She watched Shirley work silently, slightly mesmerized by how Shirley’s hands seemed to move on their own. She did not want to interrupt her while she was working, knowing how much her sister took her work seriously ( _So serious she never answered the call_ ).

Her big sister then took a makeup kit and a brush; and began painting her face. Nell watched with awe, her head cocked to the side as how with every stroke of the brush, any signs of death was slowly painted away from her deceased face. She watched Shirley patiently worked on one cheek, each time making sure the tone was right, then made her way to the other cheek.

The brush stroked once before Shirley lost her grip and it dropped onto the table. A loud _clang_ resonated throughout the empty silence.

Nell was pulled out of her trance, startled by the noise, heartbroken even more as she heard a sniffle from Shirley. Her eldest sister, who hardly cried since their mother’s death, was now weeping openly as her hands, so steady and firm before, trembled in the cold.

“I’m sorry,”

_I forgive you._ Nell wanted to say. She took a step forward, only to find the ground giving way beneath her.

And Nell fell again.

* * *

In this loop, Nell did not scream.

She watched herself haunting her living self again and again, listening to her own screams in repeat. But Nell felt only numbness. Numb with the repetition of it all.

When it stopped, Nell did not feel relief. She knew Hill House only stopped the loop to torture her even further, and eventually would drag her into that loop again. And so Nell watched and listened closely, wondering where she landed this time.

Surprisingly, it was Shirley’s morgue again. Her big sister, however, was nowhere to be found. On the silver table her body laid, this time painted and made pretty again. Nell studied her face closely, amazed at how well her sister had done her job that it seemed as though she was merely sleeping deeply. Her reverie was cut short when she heard shuffling footsteps behind her, and Nell spun.

And felt her heart clench when she met Theo. Brave, determined Theo, who went down the basement of Hill House to prove Luke was right. Strong, fearless Theo, who stood up to her own mother when Nell insisted she did not draw on the wall. Selfless, vulnerable Theo, who sometimes told Nell how she felt pain from the patients she helped, wishing she could simply lock away the trauma and haunting memories they did not deserve.

Selfless.

Nell remembered. She had called Theo selfish the last time they spoke. They did not reconcile until she died.

Theo trudged forward, her gait seemed as though she had drunk too much. ( _She probably had, Theo has always been the strongest drinker in the family, and Shirley always admonishes how much Theo abuses that ability_ ). Standing before Nell’s body with a tear rolling down her cheek, Theo pulled a glove off. Nell’s eyes widened, knowing what Theo was about to do.

_No._ She wanted to shout, warn her sister to get away. _No, no, no no no no no._ But she could not. This was worse than when she was at Steve’s apartment, as she was rooted to where she stood, her eyes frantic and jaw locked tightly, watching Theo’s bare hand reaching for her forehead.

She could only stare as she watched her sister’s eyes slowly opened. With a sharp inhale, Theo staggered backwards, crashing into the table behind her before falling to the ground, letting out the most devastating, gut-wrenching wail she had ever heard. Theo’s wail went on and on, and Nell’s heart ached for her sister, to the point where she could no longer stomach the sight.

And this time, Nell chose to fall. Anything so she could forget Theo’s scream.

* * *

Nell fell right back into Hill House except this time she was not hung by a noose. The house did not seem empty, and she wondered if it was possible for it to pull her to a time when the house was occupied by another family who would soon fall victim to the monster they resided in.

She was not stuck in the loop. She frowned, wondering why the world seemed taller and larger around her, until she raised a small pudgy hand to her face.

Frantically she searched for a mirror and saw she had become small once again. _What are you planning this time?_ Nell tried to guess the house’s motives, wondering what it had prepared for her. Nothing good would come of it if she were to land at the house itself.

Nell, trapped in her younger self, walked around the quiet corridors of Hill House. It was night time so naturally the occupants were asleep, but at night the ghosts lurked freely ( _especially Poppy_ ), though most are harmless there was one ghost in particular that spooked her the most.

Just as she thought about him, the Tall Man appeared with his ghastly, unnaturally tall body floating around the grounds of Hill House, his cane making quiet taps against the carpeted floor. He did not seem to see her ( _I am too small for him to notice_ ), but Nell was freaked out just the same, especially when he turned around and was coming her way.

Frightened, Nell scrambled for the nearest room she could find, hastily opening a door and not even closing it while she scrambled to the bed, immediately hopping into it.

There was a figure in the bed which Nell did not even care to find out who it was. She only hoped the Tall Man would not enter the room which she had left the door ajar. Instinctively, she wrapped her arms around the child in the bed, her fear too great for her to make sense of her surroundings –

A familiar voice hummed as a small, warm hand held her cold ones. “Is that you, Nellie?”

Nell froze. She was in Theo’s bed.

“You had another nightmare?” Theo muttered sleepily. “It’s okay, you can sleep with me tonight,”

Relief overwhelmed her just at the same time she felt the pull of the House’s gravity as well – a tug that felt gentle at first, only for the grip to strengthen to the point Nell felt she was being dragged forcefully towards the wide-opened door. The youngest Crain held on to her sister tightly. _This could be the last time I get to hold my family,_ she thought, and she refused to let go, refused to relent to the House’s pull.

“Nellie, you are squeezing too tight,” Theo muttered, attempt to tug at her sister’s hand. She wanted to reach for Theo’s hand and hold on to it like a lifeline, but the House got her anyway. Without another warning sign, Nell was taken away again, swallowed by the abyss she may had grown accustomed to but still despaired to see. The abyss was bottomless into which she fell forever, until her neck was snapped by a noose again, signalling the start of another loop.

* * *

The next loop felt the shortest Nell had ever experienced. It was not long before she found herself standing in a street, where everyone seemed hostile and had their hands tucked into their pockets, their eyes glancing back and forth. Nell wondered why the street seemed familiar, and it wasn’t long before she saw a hunched over figure, walking alongside a woman she could not recognize.

Her heart swelled at the sight of her twin brother, but frowned apprehensively when she saw the woman and could not help but notice her skittish behaviour. Luke looked exactly like _that_ when he was going into withdrawal, and Nell knew this woman was trouble. He should be in rehab, not out here in the cold when he came so far to get his 90-day chip.

And so Nell followed her brother around, watching as the woman, whom he called her Joey, suddenly made an excuse and headed off into the alley. She half expected Luke to hold her back or disagree, maybe suggesting that whatever she wanted to do could wait until they got a motel room. To her dismay, Luke nodded sheepishly, watching the woman leave her twin brother in the cold, unforgiving street.

“Don’t,” Nell muttered under her breath. Only the wind could hear her whispers, perhaps even the house. Hopelessness ate her on the inside, watching her brother standing there, lost and so alone. He shuddered occasionally, his hand rubbing together for a spark of warmth, his flimsy jacket doing little against the chill in the air.

Nell’s brows furrowed in confusion. Why would he be cold? He had not used since she dropped him off. She just knew. When Luke realized he had been ditched by Joey, he simply moved away, each step more treacherous and harder to take than the previous one. She followed him however, thinking that maybe the twin thing would tell him she was near, hoping the twin thing could give him some semblance of hope. But Hill House’s grip on her was too strong. Nell grew upset when she saw a group of men ganged up on Luke, kicking him and punching him in the gut, stealing his jacket and even his shoes, leaving cuts and bruises on his poor, handsome face. Luke could barely fight back – she could see he shook even harder from the cold when a foot landed on his belly. With the helplessness and the pain from Luke being beaten, Nellie felt her skin rot once again, turning cadaverous like the ghosts of Hill House. She wanted to scream and push them all away, to take her brother with her so he would be under her protection forever ( _why would I think like this, this isn’t me)._ More than anything else she wanted him to come home, ( _this isn’t me)_ come back home to her where they would be one again, away from the horrors of the world, away from the darkness.

_Kittens need their mommy and then they don’t._

The thought intruded her, planted itself in her mind like a poison. _This isn’t me_ , Nellie thought. She rejected the thought outright, knowing it was not hers. She wanted her family badly, but she wanted them to be safe from harm, safe from the clutches of Hill House ( _our forever house)_. Safe from their mother.

_Oh mommy._

Olivia appeared in her mind’s eye, dressed in crimson red. Red as the door to that accursed room. The stomach of the gluttonous, greedy house. When Nell came to her senses she saw her brother walking the lonely street, bare-footed and unprotected against the cold. She heard him mutter something under his breath repeatedly, obviously bothered by an unseen apparition that she could not tell what it was. _Is it that man? The one who everyone called the lord of the house, but behind him they laughed and mocked his inept mind. He knew it all, and from the cruelty of the people a poison rotted his mind. A poison that grew and drove him mad, made him felt so small he begged to be sealed away from the voices in his head. The house acquiesced, swallowed him whole. And when it spat him out he was tall, tall as the lord he only was in name._

Her brother stopped walking. When he turned Nell snarled. It was their mother, clad in the red dress just as Nell remembered. _Come home, my love,_ Olivia’s voice sang, enticing Luke who was desperate for any form of help at that moment.

_Don’t._ Nell wanted to snap and bite. She cursed the house that would not leave them alone. She cursed it for turning their mother against them. The house may have tricked her and trapped her on its grounds forever, but it will not have Luke, or her other siblings. She will not allow it.

Within Eleanor Crain, a seed bloomed. A seed of determination that she would ensure her siblings will not be victims to the house, or her mother.

Nell blinked. And suddenly found herself at the foot of a bed in an unfamiliar, dim room. A clock by the side of the double-decker bed read 12:02. When the minute turned 3, Luke who had been asleep in the bed jolted awake, clutching his neck as he breathed ragged and hard. Coming face-to-face with the fearful look on her brother’s face, she remembered how their mother would always be after them, imploring them to come home, and Nell wanted to tell Luke to leave, to be as far away as possible from the grip of her icy hands.

The only word she could manage was “ _Go,_ ”, and Nell was once again pulled out of that moment.

She soon figured she was at Luke’s rehab centre and wondered how she went to a time that was before. _Am I being tricked by the house again?_ She tried to put the pieces together, wondering why she was sent backwards in time. Time. _What is time, really, after the endless cycle of hell I have been through? From the present back to the past, then back to the present again, like a river that ran in a circle without an end or a beginning._

Maybe that is what time is. With every moment comes a rainfall, becoming a part of an endless river. There is no linearity, or which comes before which. The river would soon grow to become an ocean of moments, free for her to hop from one to another. And Nell realized the moments did not have to be a nightmare. They could be beautiful like Steve’s enthusiasm, Shirley’s love and care, Theo’s hugs which were rare and precious, or Luke’s deep, emotional connection with her. With that thought Nell felt a warmth blossoming in her chest. The warmth of acceptance.

_I want to see them again,_ she thought, and Nell felt the shackles that bound her to Hill House becoming loose.

For the first time since her death, Nell felt free.

* * *

Though free she may be, she was still helpless when she stood in Shirley’s funeral home, watching her siblings and their father’s argument fester into something monstrous. It started as a cynical remark from Steve, who she knew he felt betrayed by their father’s silence. _Oh Stevie, if only you knew,_ she thought, but there was nothing she could do. They could not see her.

Then Shirley tried to diffuse the quarrel that grew heated, to which Steve snapped and made a wrong move bringing up the book again. That hit on Shirley’s nerves, and when Shirley gets angry she explodes. And so Shirley exploded in anger to which even Steve had become silent. Her outrage did not stop with Steve, however, as she threw a heated glare at Theo who was now a hollow shell devoid of any human emotions. Nell figured Theo failed to recover from whatever she felt when she touched her body, and even with the anger she exuded when she spat in Shirley’s face that she took Steve’s money, Nell could still see the black hole that grew in her, that even if she touched anything with her bare hands that night she would not feel anything at all. And there was Luke, disappointed and helpless like that night she found him on the streets. His lip was still cut and the bruises can still be seen, but none of that hurt more than seeing their family shatter apart.

As they grew older, so did the distance between them. But it was at this moment in the funeral home which tipped them all over. Nell sobbed, wondering if her family was irrecoverable. Her sadness grew immeasurable, and soon the whole funeral home was thrown into darkness. Nell half-expected she would be taken away to the house again, but she realized this was another form of torture which Hill House would want to put her through – watching her family break permanently.

What Steve said at the end was the straw that finally broke the camel’s back. _My problem is that the wrong parent died!_ Nell shrieked and howled in anger at them all even if she knew they could not see or hear her. She thought her death would bring them all together or make them realize they only had each other in the end. But this was worse.

A loud crash shook Nellie out of her reverie, snuffing out that blaze of anger in her. Her casket had fallen sideways, and her corpse almost fell to the floor. Everyone stood stunned at the sight, before the lights came on again.

She felt a small spark of hope when her siblings and their father lifted the casket again. Shirley rearranged her body with care, her lips trembling, and Steve almost breaking down in tears when he placed down the casket.

She watched as they left the funeral home one by one. She wished she could pick up the pieces and put them back together. She wished she could take away the bitterness and trauma from their childhood. But the damage was already done.

The storm stopped and fell into a drizzle. The lights were still on. Nell did not leave, and remained there until her funeral came, in which she saw many people she had known in her life. She gleamed when she saw how old Shirley’s children were. Though it felt so long ago, Nell remembered a time when she held Allie in her arms and those were the rare moments which she would cherish forever. Not even Hill House could taint them.

The hostility between Shirley and Theo did not go unnoticed for Nell, seeing how Theo’s head lowered shamefully whenever she was near Shirley and Kevin. Something told her it was not about the book anymore, but Nell felt glad when Theo seemed herself once again, not the empty hollow shell like yesterday. _Something happened,_ Nell thought, _something that made Theo feel herself again, but what did it cost?_

* * *

The burial came. Each Crain grabbed a handful of dirt and threw it into the grave as a gesture of closure. Nell watched each of them did it, and her annoyance grew when she felt the familiar pull of Hill House again.

Of course the house would taunt her when it was Luke’s turn to accept she was truly gone.

But what surprised her was the sight of her mother, hidden away in the hole and ready to spring. This time Olivia was not wearing red, a symbol of the House luring its victims into its honey trap. Even Nell recoiled in horror at the sight of her mother, decayed and cadaverous, her thin gnarly fingers reaching out of her grave towards her brother. She should _not_ be here.

“Don’t,” Nellie snarled. To whom, she was not sure. She just wanted Luke to be left alone for once.

Luke turned upwards and stared at her in shock, and Nell knew she had unintentionally appeared before him. _You cannot go to Hill House, no matter what_ , she wanted to say. Nell opened her mouth to speak only to be interrupted by her mother who grabbed Luke’s hand tightly, almost pulling him into the grave.

In a frantic moment, Nell reached desperately to pull her mother away, just as Steve hurriedly pulled Luke to his feet. Her fingers touched her mother’s slip, but she lost her footing and fell right into the grave with her. She did not feel the hard wood of her own casket or the soft damp soil in which her body was buried, however, only the emptiness. Darkness swallowed her, leaving Nell lost once again in another unknown purgatory of an unknown time.

* * *

Surprisingly, she was not falling. As though falling through a canvas, each layer resembling a different time, Nellie landed at Shirley’s guest house where the interior of the house was completely dark and devoid of any living being. _Theo’s not home. Or is this no longer her home?_

From the windows she noticed night had fallen while it felt like only seconds for her. _Time is not a straight line_ , she reminded herself vehemently. _I’m like a snowdrop falling from the sky – there’s no knowing when I will land next, or what I will become. Not even the House knows._

Briefly startled by an exasperated sigh, Nell looked around and noticed a lump in the bed covered by blankets. A small light, unnoticeable at first glance, glowed from the seams of the blankets, and hearing the quiet sniffles she concluded that it was Theo in the bed.

“I don’t think she would ever forgive me,” her sister spoke with a broken voice. If she were to strain her ears to listen she could pick up the muffled voices coming from a phone, which piqued Nell’s interest. Theo never opened up to people about her problems. She would prefer to lock them up in a secret compartment and put it away, hoping to never see it again. ( _But those secrets in you fester into a blistering, hideous boil, hurting you, eventually turning into a gangrenous limb that cannot severe)_

“I just… I didn’t know it was him. It was dark and suddenly it wasn’t, and she was right there. Oh God, what if she never wants to see me again?”

Nell felt like she was eavesdropping - seeing Theo vulnerable is just like seeing her naked. Though tempted to turn away, Nell approached carefully to know whom Theo was talking to because there were few people who Theo could bare her heart to. ( _Is it Dad?_ )

It was a female voice from the phone. And she spoke for a long while. She could see her sister nodding to herself under the blanket.

“I guess you’re right, what do I have to lose anyway?” the older Crain sister muttered. “I almost kissed my brother-in-law, how are you okay with that?”

_Oh, so that’s what happened._

Theo laughed through her tears. “Any normal person would have run away, I don’t understand why you stuck with me,” There was a long silence, even from the phone, before Theo straightened from her bed, the blanket falling away. “Thank you, Trish. I was thinking… maybe we could go out for dinner sometime?”

Nell could not help but feel a small smile tugging at her lips. If she had been alive she would have teased her sister. _Oh, has Theo met someone who finally thawed her frozen heart?_

The truth is if she had been alive, would Theo change to become the person she was right now?

“Right, I’m going to apologize to her,” her sister said, sounding determined. “Thank you, Trish. And… I’m sorry for before,”

Whoever this Trish was, she must be special.

The phone call ended. Nell knew what she must do. All of the Crains know how hard-headed Shirley could be, how difficult it was to make her see reason. While Theo got up to get dressed, Nell made her way to the funeral home, noticing the lights were still turned on inside the house. And just as she thought she could see Shirley sitting in her office, picking at the mouldy pieces of her Forever House ( _mouldy just like Hill House)_ while nursing a glass of red wine.

Knowing Shirley would refuse to see Theo, she had to do something.

So she rang the doorbell, making sure Shirley would at least come out to the porch. But Shirley was stubborn, and merely placed an orange bowl of candy at the porch before going back inside again. Turned off the porchlight, even.

Ringing the doorbell did not work. Frustrated, she started banging on the door. ( _Like the boy in the wheelchair banging on the walls for her momma)_

Even Nell jumped when Shirley threw back the door with force, screaming with a fury only Shirley herself was capable of. “What the fuck do you want?!” she screamed, coming face-to-face with Nellie. Seeing her sister’s smouldering eyes Nell almost cowered and apologized, only to remember Shirl could not actually see her, and she was merely yelling out of irritation thinking it was some kids playing a prank on her.

Then Theo appeared and almost stepped back from Shirley’s rage. The eldest Crain sister refused to meet her eyes, about to make an irritated comment only to remember she was supposed to be mad at her sister and went back into the funeral home. Theo followed her in.

And Nell watched from the window the exchange between her sisters. Theo tried to come up with a proper apology, only to be answered with a retort from Shirley. What was supposed to be a quest for truce soon descended into a heated argument to Nell’s dismay. _It was supposed to be an apology,_ she wanted to scream at both of them to get their shit together. She wanted to reach out and pull Shirley back to just listen, just _fucking listen_ to what Theo had to say.

It did not get better. Their fight became physical. Shirley grabbed Theo by the arm harshly, ready to throw her out once and for all.

Eleanor Crain snarled. Everyone knew Theo and Shirley were the closest to each other growing up. If even both of them had broken apart there was truly no hope for this family, each Crain isolated from one another until they get fed to the house, one by one –

In a fit of rage, Nell screamed and rattled her fists on the door. And the strangest phenomenon occurred. All around her the wind picked up and branches started shaking aggressively like the coming of a storm, loud bangs and crashes were heard throughout the house, slamming on the door and the windows all around. Within her a maelstrom of rage, woe and desperation tipped her over, leaving even the nature submitting to her whims. Nell could feel her skin rotting away again, her neck bent again in an unnatural angle. But she did not care. She could only think about how hopeless everything was.

For some reason, she still remained at the moment until her sisters went back to Hill House for Luke. Nell followed them, thinking that if Shirley finally allowed Theo to be in the same car as hers, maybe she would finally talk it out.

Except it ended in an argument again.

And finally being sick with their bullshit, Nell screamed in rage. Shirley lost her grip and veered the car into the side of the road.

Like a blaze, the world around her melted away. She did not know what happened next ( _only if Shirley would finally listen to what Theo had to say_ ) and Nell was pulled back to Hill House.

A loud crash of thunder revealed that she was brought to the night with the thunderstorm. The night where the chandelier crashed and she disappeared to her family. She remembered it because she was not standing at the entrance to the statue garden, the darkness enveloping her until a flash of thunder illuminated the room briefly. A brief moment was enough for young Eleanor Crain to catch a glimpse of her own ghost, screaming in fright before being carried away by her mother.

Just as the thunder’s flash dimmed, Nell was carried away ( _to the river of time_ ). But it was not the hell the house had designed for her. This time was… different.

Like how Hill House made her younger self disappear on that night, the Bent Neck Lady disappeared as well, dropping into a few other familiar moments. They were fleeting, but Nell remembered them as they were – some beautiful, some upsetting, and some… horrifying.

She was skipping through those moments so quickly, it was like a fast-forwarded film without a pause button. Nell expected to feel anxious, or fear at what the House was showing her this time ( _Maybe the house had enough and will punish me for the rest of eternity_ ), yet what she saw only made her feel at peace. And with each scene, Nell remembered.

She saw the time when Steve and Shirl held a Christmas party for them in the first year without their parents ( _Shirl had made an album filled with photos of the 7 of us together and said Christmas didn’t have to be sad without mom and dad_ ). She saw the first time Luke won an art contest ( _he drew a picture of me, but for some reason it looked more like Mom_ ). She saw Theo being awarded the Most Outstanding Student award at high school ( _I always asked Theo for help with my homework, and as long as I didn’t touch Theo, she would always help me_ ). Shirley’s wedding and when her nephew Jayden was born. The first time Steve fell in love and brought a girl home for dinner.

She fell into those moments, each filling her with a different burst of colour. Small moments that rained on her face like snowfall, or rain from the sky. These were all small moments, but in clusters they became memories. And with a multitude of memories, they were her life.

All these moments were like confetti.

Nell laughed and opened her arms, embracing these moments both memorable and traumatising alike. She would not forego the rare moments she had with her family and Arthur, the precious times where she loved and was loved. Even in death her family wept for her, her friends mourned her. Though her heart broke a thousandfold for her family, she knew they love her deeply still. If she had to remember the times when she was in pain or in fear, she would remember them if it meant she could keep her loved ones in her memory.

With the newfound happiness in her, the shackles around her wrists loosened even further.

* * *

Hill House may be powerful, but like everything else in this world, it has its weakness.

The Red Room was not hundred percent impenetrable. She knew when the House gives its victim their worst fears, that when they reach the peak of their terrors, would be the moment when the House reveals its chink in the armour. The House’s connection with the rest of the ghosts weakens when it is digesting someone in the Red Room, so Nell knew that would be the golden moment for her to infiltrate and pull her siblings out from their peril.

Steve and Shirley’s were the easiest. They both wished they had never kept any secrets from their spouses, and Nell simply jumped in when the House gave them a reality check. It was a simple tap to Steve’s forehead, reminding him to be vigilant ( _because Steve finally sees and recognizes there are forces in this world we will never understand_ ). With Shirley, she held her cheeks gently, reminding her to be the caretaker she had been all her life ( _in the end, the siblings all still rely on Shirley in some way_ ).

Theo’s was a bit tricky. Nell frowned when she sensed excitement with a hint of confusion from her sister, when with Steve and Shirley it had been a slow burn of suspicion until it escalated into full-blown panic. The moment came, however, and Theo’s fear struck Nell like a truck. She did not hesitate and dove deep, then understood why her sister felt that way when she saw a woman ( _that must be Trish_ ) in a red lingerie, her form slowly morphing into a mass of decayed hands engulfing her sister who was helpless in bed.

Nell did not grab her like she did with Steve or Shirl. She reached out her hand, giving Theo a choice. Because being close to Theo is a lesson about consent and patience – Nell violated it when she was alive, and now she offered it as an apology.

Theo took it, so Nellie pulled.

Luke’s was the worst.

It hurt Nellie to fight against her mother, to feel her anguish each time she succeeded in thwarting her mother’s plans in keeping all her children with her. But she knew it would hurt even more to see her siblings in peril, to end up in a same fate as hers. The House may have driven her mother insane by using her greatest fear against her, but Nell is strong in spirit, a lot stronger than when she was alive. _You had me, but you will not take the rest of them, I will not allow it._

Luke died. Nell knew that clearly. But she also knew there was still a fighting chance.

She knew her mother was in Luke’s Red Room (like how every sibling has their own Red Room, a secret chamber where they considered to be their safest, most personal space. They thought it was the place they could be alone with their thoughts, but it never was). She knew Luke would be most tempted when her mother showed up (how could he not? When we were little and skinned our knees we ran to her for comfort, for her love takes the pain away). This time the House fought against her the hardest, knowing it failed with Steve, Shirl and Theo so it must keep Luke forever. Each push from the House was its attempt to beat her into submission, but Nell would not relent. She would not bend, and she would not break (how can you break something that was already broken?).

_No, I don’t want to be dead,_ a familiar voice echoed. She could tell the House’s strength waned bit by bit, and pride bloomed in Nellie’s chest. _Luke is fighting back,_ she thought proudly in her heart. And so she fought against the House. Thus motivated by her twin brother’s newfound resolution, they pushed.

And the House gave way.

Nell appeared in an immaculate, white room, a repeat of the tea party scene on their last night at the House. Luke gasped when he saw her. Without another word, Nell grabbed his arm.

And pulled.

* * *

Another thing that Hill House made it tricky, it seemed, was how to appear before the living in a moment that would make sense to them. The moment had to be just right, not one second sooner or later ( _but there were millions of those, how do I know which is which?_ )

To the dead, time no longer mean anything since they had eternity. The House threw those trapped in it into so many different times and not in a proper order that it made it difficult to make sense of things, to understand what came before the other. Some lost their minds because they tried and tried to understand it, but those things were not meant to be understood. It was a lost cause.

Her mother thought she was still dreaming. Poppy was already insane before death, and thought she was one entity with the House. Hazel sometimes thought her children were still there – she called out to them incessantly. And William Hill merely roamed the House harmlessly and aimlessly, already forgotten who he was or what he was.

But not Nellie. She understood something that the others failed to. She understood there was no point in making sense of something which only purpose was to confuse. She understood there was no beginning or the end in time, only now. With that revelation, Nell saw things clearer than before. Before her eyes, she saw a myriad of moments flashing by. Reaching out with a hand, she picked one and held onto it.

She then knew it was the right moment when Shirley asked the right question. ( _Shirley, who is sensitive like the rest of the family. Shirley whose instincts have always been more accurate than most. She had guessed most of the events that would happen and she didn’t even know it)_. And her thoughts were the clearest they had ever been since her death.

She felt their grief for her. In a way the five Crain children were connected by heart, though the connection was not as deep as the twin’s. She had to let them know, help them move on and understand because this would be the last time she saw them.

She had to let them know she would always love them as she did in life. And she knew they would do the same for her even when they passed.

The rest is confetti.

And like confetti she was blown into another moment, but this one was beautiful and full of giggles and colours. It was her meeting her Mom and Dad again after so long, their love which lasted even her mother had passed 20 years ago. Reunited with them, relief and joy flooded her, making her young and beautiful once again.

This time she was without fear. The loop was broken. The shackles that kept her in her hell were shattered and ground to dust.

Nell laughed at her newfound freedom, the content in her heart. She may be trapped in the grounds of Hill House forever, but in spirit she had transcended. She was a river of moments, now joined by her parents, two lovers who were together and young again.

The House could never hold her to its ground anymore.

Nell Crain spread her arms, and suddenly felt she could fly. 


End file.
